can't find a reason to cry

i just wonder about myself. when i was single,unattached and living all by myself, i always cried. for a reason and even for no reason at all. i admit i was suicidal,freakin' mad at myself and to the whole world. life sucks has been my motto. life's unfair and life's a shit.little did i know that i was pushing myself to the edge of depression and to the darkest world of evil and madness.

i cant find any reason to live at all. i worked hard but then i also didn't know what was all that for.i had a lot of friends.i was happy when were together but at the end of the day, i felt empty.

i was lonely,alone and sad.my everyday wasn't complete without asking myself why i was still alive. i even befriended death when i was alone in the dormitory back in college.

i was a trash ,a rag(even a rag is useful) and a waste.i cannot find my self. i was also alone and left in the dark. my diary can tell u all about my life then. to add, my favorite colors were black and my favorite songs were seal's"kiss from a rose" and "moonlight flower" and of course,alanis' songs.

i always cried myself to sleep. i even had a loyal friends to let me sleep and forget everything.smg and meds were always there.

but my life changed when i found someone worst than i was. we had a marathon of talks about how life sucks and how filthy poor we were. later i realized that i found in him how lucky i was.and eventually he became my purpose in life.that was the greatest decision i made for myself.i was transformed to selfishness to selflessness.we had each other against the damned world and mathematically,it was like a - + -= +.we became friends,partners and we ended up marrying each other.so baduy,but i think, i found my soulmate.

as i looked back , i couldnt help but realize that God love me that much that He kept on pulling me up everytime i fall in the dark abyss of my life.

after i found love,my dark life blossomed into a wonderful world of love,respect and fulfillment.God loves us this much that He gave us a very precious gift,my daughter.A source of inspiration and light.Our sources of endless smiles and strength.

Though life still sucks sometimes, with us holding on to each other and to God,we champion all the hardships and trials.

I dont know but whenever I feel so tired,alone and depressed,and i want to cry , i just really cannot.maybe i emptied it all or maybe....im just so happy.